My second year at university

   It took me several attempts to write this post. The first few drafts were angry, pessimistic and dripped with regret. I talked a lot about the dwindling of both my mental and physical health, increased university stress and my consistent desire to drop out despite spending most of my life wanting this. 

   But then I remembered one very important thing: I'm still here.

   I've been told by both my family and several particular friends over the years that my best traits are my bravery and perseverance. If you know me well, you will know that I am the absolute worst at taking compliments and I've never really accepted this until now. So, here I am, actually giving myself some credit for once!

   I'm sharing this in hope that it will both explain my (regrettable) prolonged absence from my blog and give hope to anyone else who feels that they are struggling at university.

   When I initially came to university, it was the first time I felt like myself for a good while. After years of feeling choked by drama going on at home, I could finally breathe again. It was such a relief to be independent and to have a retreat from it all. I loved my course, I was getting A/A*s across the board, I met some amazing people and went on exciting adventures. It was perfect.

   Unsurprisingly, when I envisioned what my next year was going to be like, I could only see it getting better - more challenging, perhaps - but still better. Unsurprisingly still, things did not go to plan. But this is okay because, if life never threw these unexpected obstacles at us, how would we learn to overcome our problems?

   I lost people close to me through both death and merely having differences but I never imagined myself joining one of the best sports teams at my university and coming away with dozens of incredible new friendships! I even found myself becoming close with people who I never imagined I would and being helped by people on my course, who I did not realise were there for me. Whilst trying to avoid being soppy, I could not thank those people enough because they truly helped me to get through the year.

I went on tour to Croatia with my Lacrosse team (I'm laying across the front!)

   Something else that pushed me towards breaking point was my health. For the first time ever, I started taking the contraceptive pill and this had an immense impact on my mental health. I noticed that my mood swings were more sudden and dramatic, I found myself regularly crying and lashing out at the smallest of things and my cycles were completely messed up. 

   It got to February and, much to my relief, that started to calm down. The next minute, I was doubled over in pain, violently vomiting and calling myself an ambulance. I was rushed to hospital to be told that I had kidney stones again after two and a half years of being in the clear. My hospital at home informed me that I would be likely to get them again within two years but, once that time frame passed, I stopped worrying. 

   The next couple of months were agonising. But they were also crucial to my degree as exams began to approach. I missed lectures and fell behind in my work as I spent most days curled up in bed, popping painkillers and stressing about my future. I endured two operations and had to be admitted for obtaining an infection from one of them. Fortunately, my university was brilliant and gave me mitigating circumstances for my coursework (so I had more time to hand it in) and deferred my exams so, now, I have longer to revise for them. This was something I was not expecting; I'm so glad I asked for help when I needed it. 

   What frustrates me most of all is that my grades are not as good as they were last year when they did not count! But, you know what? I'm still passing and I consider that a win given all the drawbacks I've had this year. Lectures are finished, I just need to crush these exams and I'm over the finish line!

   I'm hoping next year will be better and I have every confidence that it will be. But whatever it plans to throw at me this time, I'll be ready.

   Third year - bring it on!

Are you at university? Have you found this year challenging?

 Share your experiences in the comments below!